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Published on September 1st, 2016 | by Montana Mint Staff

Three top WRs from 2015 won’t be missed, according to Griz fans

The Griz are entering the 2016 season without their top three WR threats from 2015: Jamal Jones, Ellis Henderson, and Ben Roberts. Despite this and to the disgust of many Bobcat fans, Griz Nation is predicting big numbers from their offense. Are these expectation naïve or realistic?

Hot Take Nate (Cat fan): Griz fans are being way too optimistic. They lost a lot of talent and have too many unprovens coming in. In addition to Jones, Henderson, and Roberts, the Griz also lost Reese Carlson (left to pursue ministry), and Chase Naccarato (transferred to Div. III Central College). Griz fans have been calling Cat fans naïve for thinking Prukop can be easily replaced at QB…aren’t you doing the same thing with all the talent and experience at WR?

Bear Tycoon (Griz fan): We should be worried by the drop in talent, but losing experience is part of football. The other guys you mentioned had “experience” but never touched the ball.

Z-Train (Griz fan): Right. Jones, Henderson, and Roberts accounted for like 80% of our receiving, so it’s a relative loss of experience. We still have Josh Horner, who was a clear 4th starter last half of season above the other guys you mentioned.

We don’t know who it will be, but there is going to be a breakout receiving star on this Griz team. There just has to be due to the centrality of passing in Stitt’s offense. I’m excited to watch a full season of Gus at QB. The first few games last year showed he can be a monster, and I want to see what he does over a full season with the governor ripped out.

Jasper Moonshot (Griz fan): I’m not all that worried for a few reasons. First, the Griz O-Line is big, deep, and experienced. Second, Gus holds a year under his belt in a complex system. These jumps will help mitigate the dip in WR talent because Gus will be able to hit open WR’s faster and he’ll have more time to make decisions.

I expect the Griz run game to make a big leap too. Last year there were issues in a single back, shotgun formation. UM’s small line had trouble making holes for Nyugen, a RB who falls over when slapped. Our improved O-line will help.

Hot Take Nate (Cat Fan): You’re saying no one worried about depth?

Z-Train (Griz Fan): Depends on how you define depth. If it’s numerical, no. We have an insane amount of receivers. If it’s quality, everyone is always worried if the players are new, it’s an unknown.

Coach (Cat Fan): Z-Train, you predicted that a WR will make a big jump this year. Any prediction on who it will be?

Z-Train (Griz fan): I am putting my early money on Jerry Louie-McGee, and already have a nickname picked out for him when he starts to dominate: JerLouMac.

Jasper Moonshot (Griz Fan): Yessss! Me too. I’m absolutely certain JerLocMac will torch records at UM. This certainly is calibrated by denying my gut reaction after looking at his player profile, which was: holy shit, this dude is 168lbs, he’s going to die on the field, someone get him the pads that tiny nerd wears in The Little Giants. The last time I made that sort of prediction, Marc Mariani and his Mo Farah-esque frame lit up the country, leaving behind smoldering tracks of fire like a human DeLorean.

Z-Train (Griz fan): While you were looking up his player profile, did you happen to see his hair? LET US CHECK OUT THE LETTUCE ON JERLOUMAC.

Lettuce=hair

Lettuce=hair

Jasper Moonshot (Griz Fan): JerLocMac’s hair should really be cast in a Legends of the Fall remake. And there’s no doubt he’s taking prenatal vitamins with those locks, so at least we know his bones are strong.

Z-Train (Griz fan): Let’s also check out the serious LETTUCE/FLOW from potential breakout and Blinn College transfer James Homan!

Homan

Lettuce and Flow!

Could I have dreamt this hair situation some night, in the fitful midst of some codeine and ice cream vision? NO, the correct answer is I most definitely could not have. What will happen if JerLouMac’s and Oh-Man Homan’s twin flows take the field at the same time? Will a swirling portal, a hairy Charybdis, open in the Hellgate and swallow the Majestic Plaza and the Richie Riches in the boxes whole???? Or will they summon Vidal Sassoon riding the back of an angry sow, ready to trample and devour any foe in their path????

Bear Tycoon (Griz fan): What we lost in talent and depth at WR, we made up in hair. Got it.

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